01 Oct Top 3 Tips to Rein in Your Emotions at the Beginning of the Divorce Process
Quite often after separation or when contemplating separation, you can feel helpless; like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Our focus is often clouded by so many emotions – whether it be fear of the unknown about the future, loss of the relationship or anger towards a spouse. These feelings are all normal but can be overcome by taking a few simply steps.
Whether you are considering separating from your spouse or are in the midst of separation, implementing a few of my tips below can often alleviate many of the emotions that can cloud your judgement and will help you to find that light at the end of the tunnel.
1. Seek advice early – fear is common around separation. As a family lawyer, we often see people worrying about their financial future – how will the mortgage be paid; who will pay the school fees; where will I live. And then there’s the fear about the kids – who will the children live with; will my ex let me see the kids.
Many of these concerns will be allayed by seeking advice prior to or shortly after separation. Getting good advice early will help you to understand your legal rights moving forward, that is, what you are financially entitled to and what agreements might be appropriate for the children.
Many people also benefit from obtaining financial advice at the same time. In most cases it is a good idea to speak with your accountant or a financial planner around separation to understand what the financial future might look like.
Knowing that you will be able to see their children or that financial arrangements can be put in place, helps to reduce stress around separation.
2. Set small goals – when we set goals, we often think well into the future however when going through separation, it can be useful to set small goals. Setting yourself the goal of ‘having my life sorted in 6 months’ might be what you want however it’s a goal that requires you to focus and solve many issues all at once. Around separation when emotions are already high, this can often be overwhelming. Setting small achievable goal helps you to see progress, that is, that you are moving forward with your life. It also allows you to focus your thoughts on one issue at a time, rather than several (which is often quite overwhelming).
Small goals could be for next week, next month or next year but they are small focused goals like find a new apartment, apply for a new job or organise a parenting mediation.
3. Have some ‘me time’ – we all need some ‘me time’ every now and then and going through separation is no different.
Self-care is really important during separation. Having time to focus on yourself helps put you in a good emotional position which allows better decision making.
Lives often get busier following separation and finding ‘me time’ can be hard in busy schedules but it doesn’t have to be a lot of time. It could be as simple 5 minutes at the start of the day to enjoy a peaceful cuppa before work or the school run; attending a yoga class; or fishing on a Sunday with your mates. Whatever it is, try and find a little ‘me time’ each week.
In the words of Martin Luther King “you don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step”.
Here at FEDOROV Family Lawyers, we work with our clients to develop strategies to help them through each step their separation.
Alison Allen, Senior Family Lawyer